Picture Perfect

One of the common things I hear from clients, family, or friends is that everyone feels "less than" when they look on Facebook or Instragram and see photos of other people who seem to have their lives together. Or maybe we are only posting pictures of what we think makes us look good? What is it we want to communicate to the rest of the world when we post that selfie, flawless family montage, or our kid’s trophy pic? Are we asking for attention, admiration, love, acceptance? If we are honest, of course most of us are.  As a society we have become lonely, not engaging in real-time, and we draw from the “likes” of almost strangers online to get us through the day.  So we post another picture, story, blog, article to connect with someone.  Connecting with others is so good and healthy…until it isn’t a real connection anymore.  Are we being honest with our posts? Vulnerable? And should we really be that vulnerable with EVERYONE?  What is safe to share and what isn’t?  And maybe we are completely intending to be honest and vulnerable, but what the viewer perceives is not what we intended to show.  An example…

This photo is not the reflection of perfection, having it all together, or marital bliss. Many comments we received on this photo were of course kind and generous, but I laughed thinking, “They have no idea what was going on in my mind when we took this photo!” If I could give the most accurate caption it would be:

This is an image of a married couple who finally got out together for a night out with other adults – to watch an adult concert, to drink adult beverages, and have adult conversation. This is the picture of a couple who fought tirelessly 4.5 years to bring their children home and fights now to advocate for them and raise them in a culture that makes no sense to them.  We are holding each other tight because we know our relationship is the giant thread holding this family sweater together.  On any given day I’m near unraveling.  So is he.  But when we draw close, we get stronger.  Our kids get stronger.  We took a long weekend away recently to go to counseling.  Yes, counseling. Not because our marriage is in trouble, but because we don’t want it to be.  Life is hard, and we have issues just like any other couple.  We are smiling because we know we are going to be okay in the midst of hard…and we are working our butts off for that.

So when you see our “Barbie and Ken” photo on Facebook or Instagram, please don’t for one second believe our lives are easy and perfect. When you see our kids’ photos playing soccer, or read my blogs, or see our family snapshot, my intention each time is to connect with someone out there who may be feeling like I am. And I’ve started trying to see other people’s posts the same way – what if behind every “perfect photo” there’s a deeper story, hurting person, a challenge that has been overcome? And what if we could see that as the most beautiful part of the photo?  Try on some new lenses as you scroll social media today.