Asking and Receiving

“Here are the two best prayers I know: 'Help me, help me, help me' and 'Thank you, thank you, thank you.’” (Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies).

I recently bought myself a bouquet of red gerbera daisies.  They are my favorite!  They are usually packaged with a green tube around their stems that helps support their large beautiful buds.   I took the tubes off, cut the stems, and arranged them nicely in the vase.  Within hours, the heads were drooping – how I feel when my head feels so big and full of thoughts and worry that the rest of me just can’t hold it up anymore.  Instead of putting the tubes back on I decided to pull them all together with a rubber band toward the top of their stems so they could “lean” on each other and have the support of the band to keep their heads up.  I smiled and realized these flowers were not only an important gift to myself that day but a valuable message…

Earlier in the week I told myself I wanted to practice receiving help – to let others be present in my “mess.”  So I swallowed hard and reached out to others.  Throughout the week, one by one, the most beautiful women came into my home or entered my life in some way and offered a hug, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, a compassionate heart, an encouraging word.  I realized my bouquet had exactly the number of flowers to represent me and each woman from whom I received support that week.  And along with their compassionate hearts, I also found within me the ability to give myself nurture and support - an equally important lesson in my journey - that we all have within ourselves the ability to be gentle, kind, and compassionate to our own weary hearts.   When we ask and receive, we can stand just a little taller again.

Tell the Story

As a little girl I remember singing the hymn in church, “I Love To Tell the Story.”  Stories are powerful.  There is much to gain in both the telling and hearing.  In the hymn it’s the story of Jesus and His love.  But other stories aren’t so joyful, are they?  When we hurt or grieve, others may get tired of hearing our “same old story,” and likewise we may get tired of telling it.  So why do we continue to tell it?  Recently I was telling my husband about a hurtful situation from my past, and he said to me, “I’ve heard you talk about this before.  Why do you continue to allow them to let you down?”  Valid question.  I’ve thought about that a lot.  Why do I keep telling the same story and feeling let down every time when the outcome never changes? 

From today’s reading of The Book of Awakening (Mark Nepo) it says, “Often we repeat stories, not because we are forgetful or indulgent, but because there is too much meaning to digest in one expression.  So we keep sharing the story that presses on our heart until we understand it all.”  (page 481).

This thought brought me so much comfort.  I’m not necessarily stuck in this past story – I’m just still making sense of it as it pertains to me today.  There is much still to learn in my story – in all our stories – and it is not always full of pain.  As our stories are honored there is much truth, clarity, and strength to be gained.  

What story replays in your mind or slips off your tongue frequently? What would it be like to just notice that story and not judge yourself for still telling it?  What new meaning lies in the story today?  Just as the old hymn proclaims the joy of knowing Jesus’ story and love each new day, what does this new day have to tell you about your own story? 

Lean Into It

There is a song by Little Big Town that has always meant so much to me – but never as much as it does now in this season of my life.  A few weekends ago my husband and I took a much needed trip to the beach.  After several weeks of health problems and 3.5 years of wondering when my boys will come home to us from Haiti, I’m exhausted.  I’m weak.  I’m frustrated.  I’m sad.  I’m powerless.

I walked out into the ocean.   Todd played around in it, just letting the waves hit him and roll over like they were high-fiving him.  He shouted, “Isn’t this great? I just want to give this whole ocean a hug!”  I laughed.  And then I just got angry.  How can he be so happy getting knocked over?  I can hardly stand here and not get bulldozed by these huge waves rolling in. I can’t get my footing – can’t get grounded.  And I certainly don’t want to wade any further out.  Why can’t I be more like him?
 
Then I decided I’m not supposed to be more like him.  He’s not supposed to be more like me.  We have our own experiences.  I just needed to stand there and look out over that big ocean and let my tears feel free to fall.  I needed to keep digging my heels into the sand and lean into those waves and feel their beautiful force and to feel the beautiful force within me pushing back.  It wasn’t my playground like it was for Todd, but it was my sanctuary.  It was my place to let every emotion just roll back out with the tide.  It was my place to be reminded I just gotta lean into it.
 
check out the song by clicking here

Chorus:
There’s a strong wind blowing
I push on
It pushes back

It’s a hard time
But I know I’ll get through it
Just gotta lean into it

from the album The Reason Why
Written by Kimberly Schlapman, Phillip Sweet, Karen Fairchild, Jimi Westbrook