Wonder Woman

I had a conversation with a friend recently who also likes to write.  We both desire to be transparent about our stories, but sometimes there is a risk of that story exposing too much and potentially being harmful.  It’s a fine line we walk to stay honest and vulnerable, yet protective and respectful.  The telling of our stories is for healing, not harming. It’s not healthy for me to lay all my dirty laundry out for everyone – at least not before the rinse cycle.  What is healthy is being honest about painful experiences yet seeking resources to heal and grow.

So when I sit down to write I ask, “What will help someone? How can I be vulnerable, yet careful?  Honest about the hardship of life, but also inspirational and hopeful?” It is crucial to me to connect with others in the hard of life, because that’s also where the good stuff grows from later.  So in probably one of the hardest places of my life right now, I’m summoning courage to start telling the story – honestly, safely, respectfully, and with hopefully appropriate timing and grace.  I’ll be writing about it in pieces as I trust each part to show itself ready.  I am starting with a super hero story. Because I need her in order to do this. Because I am her. 

My son Woody had been asking me to go see Wonder Woman for weeks now. While I loved everything about this, I was having a hard time finding a good day to make it happen. I trusted it would work out at just the right time – as most things do.  One day it felt like something that had to happen.  It wasn’t just a request from my son but a plea from my insides to have inspiration from a woman in a cape. It was one of those days where I felt like I might not be able to “fight” another thing. I was exhausted, helpless, and hopeless.  I was waving the white flag. 

I found myself weeping in the middle of a scene where Wonder Woman goes into “No Man’s Land” to fight for love against the enemy. Click here to see the clip on youtube.  She is crouched down holding her shield in front of her being pummeled by arrows and bullets.  She is leaning in, bracing herself, gritting her teeth, and standing her ground.  I was in awe of her strength in defense of herself and everything she was fighting for. Guarding yourself is a necessary part of the battle. Eventually she is joined by her fellow soldiers.  When I was in my own counseling session recently (because, YES, counselors needs counselors too – this is how we help you. Circle of life.), I shared how this scene moved me and that I felt like Wonder Woman in that moment – trying to stand strong and not be hurt.  So then my therapist asked me to picture who would be joining me on the battlefield.  My powerhouse team of women came rushing out on the front lines with me. They weren’t there to fight the battle FOR me, but alongside me in support.  We all have our own battles to fight, so we show up together to fight them.

If you don’t know Wonder Woman’s story, she was fighting for love – true love, love for the marginalized, love for self. That is an exhausting battle.  And sometimes all you can do is put up your shield and lean into the enemy fire. Although Wonder Woman could have fought alone and still won, even this super hero had her people by her side. 

I put my shield down just for a minute to rest.   I pictured my platoon standing guard with their shields while I took a nap with my cape around me and let Jesus comfort me. I wrote this part of the story. I ate my favorite coconut milk ice cream. I called one of those soldiers to get a glass of wine with me. I cried and prayed a lot.  I’ll join the battle again when it’s time to fight, and the fight will continue to be for love – the truest love for mySELF and my people.  Right now I am loving and honoring myself for the fierce protection of my shield and the ground I have stood.  There is a time for everything.

What I continue to learn is that all growth does NOT happen in my time or way.  Just when I thought I was at my "best," along came another season - another layer ready for peeling. Growth always involves pain, courage, strength, rest, fighting, and eventually joy.  It always involves a team of people who love you.  In the past I have hurried toward the joy – to get to the end of the battle the quickest and easiest way possible – no time for pain or rest.  But pain and rest are great teachers.  We must honor their timing, lessons, and gifts.  I want to believe true joy and strength awaits after true grief and loss - that "face down in the arena" moment that author Brene Brown talks about. 

One of my fellow soldiers gave me my own version of Wonder Woman bracelets that say “Braver than you believe. Smarter than you think.” Yes I am. So are you.  Trust your trial to grow and teach you, and don’t go into battle alone.