This wasn’t just a real street sign to me. It was a life sign. Every day I’m on a dead end. I know exactly how it is going to go, because I do my best to keep it that way. But
then I have to turn around and go back, and my perfectly controlled "walk" doesn’t
lend itself to any surprise, mystery, or exploration. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I am
making it a writing habit not to shame myself when I have these
discoveries. I am using it for my good.
I am waking up and learning. I know this
precise trail has been my constant in the middle of chaotic schedules and
uncertain life stressors. So, I’m actually really proud of myself for finding a
rhythm that worked in the middle of disorder.
And on this particular day, I wanted a new way. I realized there are things in my life at a
dead end, and if I want a new way, I have to face a new path.
I took off down a road in my neighborhood that everyone says
not to take because “so many cars speed and can’t see you.” That sounded scary
enough, so I was in. At first the hill I was climbing was brutal. I was already
hating this road. And then I realized I
was on top of the hill. I made it, and
it wasn’t that hard. So I kept going
into the unknown.
I passed a yard with a dog who must have some kind of
anti-bark device on her. She barked at me, but it was just muffled. I felt sad
she had no voice. I’m sure someone
didn’t like her bark, and maybe she scared people, but I found myself angry
that she had been silenced. I discovered
a little bit of myself in her, and I was thankful to have witnessed her
struggle. I told her I was sorry for her
loss and to keep on trying to speak anyway, and on I walked.
As I rounded the corner, there it was. A beautiful scene of
a quiet curvy road surrounded by the trees touched by Autumn and a bit of
sunshine poking through them. The light was there just for me – I’m sure of
it. I felt the cool breeze on my face
and felt thankful that even on a scary new path there is light to guide me and
hope to lean into.
As I made my way back, new neighborly faces nodded at me. I
saw a home under construction, and it felt like my heart. I identified with the
pain of my insides being exposed but the promise of new shelter and
warmth. I could feel the hurt of the
brokenness and the hope for fresh joy all at the same time. I took a deep breath and found my way back
home. Even scary paths lead home.
I needed to try this new way.
The dead end wasn’t life giving anymore. I’m sure I’ll take that dead
end road on days when I need certainty and a little flat land. But the beauty is that even on my new path I
know a few things to expect – discovery, pain, joy, hope, and the promise of
Light.
~What dead end road are you walking?
~How has it served you?
~How does it no longer serve you?
~What keeps you from trying a new road?
~After you’ve tried a new road, what did you experience? What
gifts did it have?
