Express YourSELF

 "Express Yourself.  You've gotta be you and only you, babe."  (Salt 'N' Pepa)

 

 This was me - or at least I thought it was me.  

I grew up singing, but not necessarily because I wanted to or because it was important to me.  It was because I decided it might be fun to sing in my little church one Sunday morning when I was 9 years old, and people thought it was good. So they asked me to sing more.  I kept doing this for a long time - singing for others.  I am not kidding when I tell you that every week I was asked as I walked in the church doors, "you singing today?"  And because I was a good little girl, most Sundays I had my cassette in hand...you know, some accompaniment version of Amy Grant's latest hit.  But I started rebelling a little, and there was ONE Sunday I didn't sing.  Oh, dear Jesus!  You would have thought I was headed straight to you know where.  The guilt and shame was a lot for a 9 yr old, so I learned to stay compliant, but still tried to skip a few Sundays. I was even warned once by someone that if I didn't keep using my gift, God would take it from me.  (sidenote: people, please don't say this to kids).

Next thing you know I was singing at every banquet, wedding, funeral - sometimes for people I didn't know.  I thought then I loved to sing and this would be my destiny.  It just HAD to be, right?  That's what everyone said, so I started believing it too.  But what I know now is that I loved keeping people happy with me.  I tried a few times to sing what I wanted to really sing - like Paula Abdul's "Cold Hearted Snake" - but it was frowned upon, and I was handed another karaoke version of something by Terri Clark - because I was supposed to be a country girl. So I played by those rules awhile too.  So long that I eventually moved to Nashville.  Which ended up working out after all. One of my favorite quotes on my office wall is "I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I ended up where I needed to be." (Douglas Adams)

I find that I'm still some version of this at times - singing (doing, achieving, working, hurrying, performing) for other people - because it's just easier to keep them happy.  One of the hardest things to do is sing my own song.  Or just not sing if I don't feel like it.  Or dance instead.   But honestly, I still love to sing. I really always did.  I just didn't like all the rules that came with it.  And I couldn't find my own voice, because the other voices were just so dang loud.  Today I opened my mouth to sing, and I was like, "Hey, there she is! I know this girl.  But she sounds different than I remember.  I really like her."

~Is there a talent or hobby you once used to enjoy (or not) that you no longer do? Why?
~Would you like to try it again - in a new way?
~Or would you like to try something different instead?
~If no one was watching or listening, how would you express yourself?  Give it a try.