Snow Day

I am sitting here watching snow fall out my window.  Clients have cancelled for the day, because they don’t need the added stress of sliding and spinning on ice all the way to therapy.  Life is hard enough.  I see the posts on facebook – mixed emotions of happiness and frustration.  Some say, “hooray for a snow day,” while others, are “really, another snow day?”  No matter our situation, the weather outside, the conditions in our heart, or the challenges we face, I am learning more than ever about the beautiful flow and timing of life.  I can trust there are just some things so far out of my control that I must lean into the invitation to let go, trust, be present in THIS very moment.  It is not easy, but here’s what I am talking about…

I first sat down this morning and began the worry – oh no, I’m losing a whole day of work today.  What will I do?  How does this affect my budget?  Where can I rearrange my schedule to fit everyone in on a different day?  I decided to let these fears just flow out – giving them a place to release instead of keeping them inside. Then as I felt the release, I handed them over to God.   Writing that makes it sound so simple, but it was not, I promise.  Because one of my biggest fears is when I’m not productive or working, then I must not matter.  So the fear of not getting all my tasks done spins me into a deeper fear of not being loved or worthy.  Sometimes I imagine God's presence as Aibileen from “The Help,” and she whispers to me, “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.” When I remember God delights in me even when I'm not achieving something, I can more readily let go of my list of things I was “supposed” to do and trust that He has given me a space and time to rest and let Him have the control back. 

So after all that spinning and releasing, I just gazed out my window and drank my coffee with God and Aibileen and took in the beauty of the ice and snow that I was just cussing minutes before.  It reminded me of a song I sang at a dear friend’s wedding.  It is Nichole Nordeman’s “Every Season.” The verse about winter is this...

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white

All creation shivers underneath
And still I notice you when branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter.

I had no idea I would be singing that song at her wedding and hearing it again at her funeral just a few years later.  I still don’t understand this, and I don’t even try to understand it anymore.  Life is just too delicate and too complicated to try to figure out. But what I do know is that as I looked at the beautiful ice coated branches out my window, this song came to mind.  My friend came to mind. I wondered what she was doing in Heaven today. I sat peacefully in the memory of Emmie and let her presence wash over me.  I heard her laugh. I heard her tell me, “this place is awesome – there’s no stress here!” She and I were so much alike – always working hard, detail-oriented, worrying about doing things right, etc.  So as I held the image of my beautiful friend laughing in heaven and heard sweet Aibileen remind me “I is important,” I am letting go. I am trusting this world is not my home.  I am leaning into a snow day and all it can bring.  Even though it totally messes with “my” plans, I end up accomplishing exactly what I need to.

~What happens for you when your day/plan/schedule gets messed up?

~Do you ever notice “gifts” that come, even when your plan gets thrown off?

~See if you can notice what you are being invited to release today.  Or on the flip side, what are you being invited to welcome that you may have missed before when you were so focused on your plan?